Natalie

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 20:44:48 GMT

Today was the last day of FCAT testing for freshmen year :) And so to celebrate I left early and went to TJ's with some people.

Tomorrow's the last day of the 3rd quarter, and my mom's going out of town this weekend. I'm going to make sure I'm never home alone with Thomas for more than 3 hours. That'd be unbearable. But in celebration of only 9 weeks left of school I'm going to make sure this 3-day weekend is amazing :)

Life is sweeeet. ♥

ROOT CANAL'S OVER

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 21:57:14 GMT

I was considering posting a picture of the swelling for you guys to see, but then I decided not to give you that much pleasure.
It's disgusting. Really, it is.
I resemble Johnny Bravo except I can't smile.
I've never felt so restricted with the size of my mouth. :)
Ewww, I look so ugly.
The swelling will take 2-4 days to go down.
TWO to FOUR DAYS!!!!!
Ugh.
Mom says if it's not down a significant amount by Monday, I don't have to go to school.
I don't want that kind of attention (I look disgusting.. Have I said that already).
And I'm really emotional right now, so it wouldn't help anything.
Now I'm going to attempt to eat.
Wish me luck because if I don't do well I'm stuck eating yogurt and smoothies for the next 4 days. :P
I'm going to cry... :(
♥

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 01:42:47 GMT

So guys... The journal's officially locked.
Sorry Dad, guess you can't read it anymore :P
Comment to be added,
And if you aren't a member but enjoy reading them, join.
It's free and it's not like you have to do anything.
♥

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 00:30:26 GMT

THE BIGGEST FRIENDS CUT EVER!

__fadingsmile - i dont remember who you are
__glamourxscene - i dont remember who you are
__ieatlipgloss - you got a new journal
__mego__ - you never update and you never commented
__solastsummerx - i dont remember who you are
_bobbysworld - you never update and you never commented
_falling_far_ - i dont remember who you are
_glossy_eyes - i dont remember who you are
_seks - you never update or comment
_shiit - you got a new journal
_urockmysox_ - you got a new journal
_wasted_onyou - i dont remember who you are
a_loser_without - i dont remember who you are
a_shlee - we're not friends
ahh_heck_naw - i dont remember who you are
ali_islove - you got a new journal
allsmiles_ - i dont remember who you are
assh_hole - you never update and you never commented
bea_utifulx3 -i dont remember who you are
blondeebabe_xo - i dont remember who you are
br0k3n_wingsx3 - you got a new journal
broke_n_x3 - i dont remember who you are
brooky_lyne - you never update or comment
c0urtneyx0 - i dont remember who you are
car200091 - you never update or comment
cassandrax3 - you got a new journal
cassarooluvsu - you never update or comment
ch3rry_street - you never update or comment
cute_kel - you never update or comment
dddysgurl509 - i dont remember who you are
devon0775 - you never update or comment
dillyjilly - you never update or comment
dinoxsex - you never update or comment
dirtygurtie - you never update or comment
emily_wo0p - you never update or comment
fabul0uz - you never comment
fallenstar_x33 - i dont remember who you are
for3v3r_in_l0ve - i dont remember who you are
gatorbait1930 - you never update or comment
gigabeat - i dont remember who you are
gpstrife - you never comment
grape_koolaid_x - you never update or comment
heatha_kello - you never update or comment
holy_crap_ - you never comment
hot_dogg - i dont remember who you are
howtragic___x - i dont remember who you are
i_am_weslley - you never update or comment
i_love_tay_ - you hardly ever comment
indie_electrik - you never comment
iwanabang_samk - you suck gigantic balls. :)
jack_ass_ - youve never commented
jamiee_wow - you never update or comment
jolly_jon - you got a new journal
jon_uh_than - you really dont comment
katherine024 - you never really comment
kelso_x0 - new journal
kinky_graphics - this community sucks
kissme_imhailey - you never update or comment
krazi_kay - new journal
krazzee_kay - i dont know you
kyle010203 - you never update or comment
kyles_big_penis - you never once updated or commented
l0vin_yo0 - you never update or comment anymore
liddo_x0 - i dont remember who you are
little_nicky0 - you hardly update and never comment
lovely_lexis - you hardly update and never comment
luvabl_lizz - you dont update or comment
mizz_grid - you dont update or comment
mypantsloveme - you hardly update and never comment
not_gorgeous - i dont remember who you are
o_damn - i dont remember who you are
oh_so0o_divine - never comment
oh_so_divine - never comment
pam_uh_la - you got a new journal
perfect_foryouu - i dont remember who you are
pieces_of_julia - never comment
pink_ladyz - i dont remember who you are
scandalous_x3 - i dont remember who you are
sesamii_babes - you never update or comment
sharlebby_waa - you suck gigantic balls :)
shias_gurl -i dont remember who you are
shmorp - i dont remember who you are
smile_babe - i dont remember who you are
spacie_sairie - new journal
st4r_f13ld -i dont remember who you are
stephanie_w - you never update or comment or anything
summer_grl - you never update or comment or anything
sunshiinex33 - you never comment
sweet_thangx0 - new journal
sweetalker_ - you moved
tenspeedindian - jake thomas can kiss my ass :)
twinkie_x - you never update and have never commented
tyranicalsaurus - new journal
unforg3table_xo -i dont remember who you are
urockmysoxz_x3 -i dont remember who you are
wicked_awesome - you never comment, ever
x0gotta_love_me - i dont remember who you are
x0xsweetshelx0x - i dont remember who you are
x_badkitty_x - i dont remember who you are
xfadeto_black_x - i think you got a new journal
xo_tjoy_xo - you never update and never once commented
xox_nesserz - never update or comment
xplicit_sh0rtii - i dont remember who you are

No offense, guys... Just something I had to do. I'd appreciate if you'd remove me from your friends list, also. I'm going to make this journal "Friends Only" in the next couple of days, so if you wish to be added back, comment and it will be considered. I don't mean to be a bitch or anything, but there are reasons for the cut and yeah. :)

As for those of you who may not update (that's not so much what bothers me) or comment (that's what bothers me) consider it lucky. Obviously I either like reading your entries or I want to give you all another chance. You all know I've commented on your journals enough times to call it fair, so I just want the favor returned. Just to know you're listening. Thanks!

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 17:47:56 GMT

Duuuude!
It's New Year's Eve : )
Like whaaaaat?!
Ahhhh, Excitement.
A little New Year's Eve song for you all -

Starting now I will never see my kitchen counter
quite the same babe, after we drank the final hour
I never knew you had it somewhere deep inside you,
another chance to go wild

You whispered to me, I'd be stupid not to follow
Where you'd be taking me tonight until tomorrow
I make predictions from the gifts my dreams have given
And never once have they lied

So, don't you worry who you're kissin on at midnight
The way I see it I've got you and I both covered
The world's to bed and you and I instead
Will secretly enjoy our time
So kiss on me tonight

The day awaits too long away when I'll be older
That holds the time to put in action what I told her
If I were perfect then there'd be no room for asking to
Fill this place by my side

So, don't you worry who you're kissin on at midnight
The way I see it I've got you and I both covered
The world's to bed and you and I instead
Will secretly enjoy our time

See I'm not worried who you're hittin on at midnight
The way I see it I've got you and I both covered
The world's to bed and you and I instead
Will secretly enjoy our time
So kiss on me tonight

Don't you worry it's time to ask yourself
But I'll be fine I'll be fine I'll be fine
If you want to kiss someone else
I've got time I've got time
I'll be fine

Now don't you worry who you're kissin on at midnight
The way I see it I've got you and I both covered
The world's to bed and you and I instead
Will secretly enjoy our time

Now don't you worry who you're kissin on at midnight
The way I see it I've got you and I both covered
The world's to bed and you and I instead
Will secretly enjoy our time
Kiss on me tonight, kiss on me tonight
Kiss on kiss on kiss on me tonight

-Kiss On Me- Tyler Hilton

[EDIT] Today's Horoscope
Dear Natalie,
It really wouldn't be a great idea to think about cutting loose and having a little fun right now. It should be a much better time to just focus on clearing up any lingering or unresolved issues that may have been bothering you lately. There will probably be a number of things that'll require your attention right now, and you shouldn't ignore any important matters that really need to be dealt with.

Well screw you, forecast! It's New Years Eve, bitch![/EDIT]

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 23:48:34 GMT

BEGINNING TO GET A LITTLE HOME SICK...

A LITTLE FRIEND SICK...

AND EVEN A LITTLE "HAIR" SICK...

This week's bound to get better though. It has to. Not that it's been bad. Just boring. Dad and I got in the first fight out of the 2 weeks last night. I thought we were going to make it the whole way, or at least longer, but obviously not. I've survived by talking to the following throughout the week: Kelsey, Haley, Preston, Dylan and Andrew. I love you guys!

Claire Edwins and I have also been getting to know each other better which is ridiculously awesome :) I love her!

So Brock's having a mock New Year's Eve party tomorrow night since he and TJ won't be in town. That's got to be one of the coolest things I'll ever be apart of. :D And Friday I'm hanging out with some cousins. Saturday night is New Year's Eve and that's going to be amazing!! I think I'll finally get to meet Holly and some other people. I'll finally be doing something in this town. Although today wasn't bad... The boys are awesome. No, scratch that, boys in general are awesome. I love how much easier it is to get along with them than most girls.

My night will be dull if Andrew doesn't call me. We're friends, that's it, and I'm happy with it. Content. Finally. But if Andrew doesn't call me I'll call him 3844735893742904729304 times and then piss in his face when I finally see him. Haha.... Yeah.

If you ever need someone to talk to, call me. I'm here until Sunday and it's an hour earlier :) (605) 582 3495

PEACE OUT. ♥

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 23:09:35 GMT

Merry Christmas everyone :) I hope everything's going well for everyone today and that Santa treated everyone extra special (Yes, I still believe in the old man). I really don't enjoy including Christmas presents in an update, but I figure everyone will probably ask anyways, so I might as well just put it in here...

- ivory HCO sweater
- Ready fragrance by A&F
- a bracelet and necklace
- Million Dollar Baby, Phantom of the Opera, Spanglish, Spiderman 2 , and Garden State DVDs
- Natasha Bedingfield, Kelly Clarkson, and Rascal Flatts CDs
- $40 to AE and $40 to HCO
- $20 to Gadzooks
- $100 to use towards an iPod or shopping
- and a random 5 pairs of socks (?) and lipgloss that I was told I'm not allowed to "share." I suppose I'm now the family slut. Haha. Whatever. My Christmas with my mom was last week, and I don't feel like updating on everything I got there. It feels like so long ago... I agree with everyone when they say this year is flying past. It's insane.

So the one thing on my personal Christmas list that I have yet to receive... A phone call from him. I just want to see his face, or know that everything's okay between us. But I don't know if I will get that this year. I still have another week of wishing left. I just wish I hadn't messed everything up. :)

I love you all! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! ♥

"That was deep"

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 23:58:13 GMT

I don't want all of you thinking of him as jerk. I really, really don't. He's not. How could he be? He blessed me with the three most amazing weeks of my summer... Of my teenage years. He was the biggest sweetheart to me for those three weeks and I couldn't have asked for much more from him. And yet, here I am, bashing him on my LJ over and over again, making myself look horrible and wretched. You guys, as my friends, are saying the things you're supposed to say to make me feel better, but it's not working because none of you are right in the things you say about him. I'm realizing I'm the bad person in this situation. I should be acting so much more mature about all of this, so much more put together. I'm torn inside, and it's my fault. Not his.

So, I owe you an apology Andrew. I'm sorry. Probably more sorry than you'll ever know. I'm sorry for dragging all of this out for the past 5 months, and I'm sorry for not telling you the truth, the whole truth, when I should have. I'm sorry for calling her an "8th grade whore." I was saying it out of jealousy, anger and hurt, which still doesn't make it any better.

And I owe you all THE TRUTH:
-- I fell in a deep, deep like with Andrew James Taylor this summer.
-- He made me feel amazing for the 3 weeks I was with him.
-- There was not one moment in time over the past 5 months when I stopped caring for him, no matter what I said.
-- I have blown this thing way out of proportion, and I honestly should not have brought any of you into it.
-- I want you all to think of Andrew as you used to when I told you about him over the summer, and erase all memories of things I've said to you in the last 5 months from your minds.
-- I came to Brandon having no intention of doing anything but possibly rekindling old feelings for him.
-- I'm crying right now : )
-- I'm an idiot for making you all feel so sorry for me when I'm the one who caused all of this.
-- I've been putting a face on for the past 5 months.
-- I miss him like hell.
-- He's an ~~good~~ amazing guy.
-- She's a lucky girl.
-- And I'm still in that deep, deep like.

YOU WERE IT, KID. <3

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 16:31:50 GMT

Name 5 of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick 5 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.

-cars
-movies
-lust
-family
-pajamas

tag- swope sawa lauren tay nat

GO AND READ THE ENTRY BELOW- I WON'T BE UPDATING FOR AWHILE.

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 03:10:26 GMT

AND IF YOU'RE READING THIS: I just want you to know how much of an ass you can be sometimes. You can come across as arrogant and conceited and people tell me to blow you off and think nothing of it. They tell me to have nothing to do with you, and I say okay, but secretly I know that's impossible. You nearly begged for me to take you back this winter break, said you'd be jealous if you saw me doing anything with the other guy. Told me you missed me and holding me, etc. I asked you if it was me you missed or just the thought and feeling. You clearly expressed that it was me. How much of your bullshit do I have to take? I was beginning to think... Maybe he's changing. Maybe he's not so bad after all, and here you come to prove me wrong. It wasn't me you were missing, it was the feeling and now you have it again. So congratulations and have fun with your skinny 8th grade whore. : ) Don't attempt to come crawling back to me ever again, because you're just going to get a mouthful of shit in your face. And don't IM me after reading this and say, "What was all that about?" Jesus, I think it's just time you and I had a talk. And none of this online shit. I want one face to face. So when you read this, call me up. And let's meet and talk. We both know it's well overdue.

PEACE OUT.

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 05:44:10 GMT

I got my hair cut :) South Dakota = Tomorrow! My excitement is endless right now. I'm going to go to sleep so that tomorrow comes faster ♥

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 17:07:41 GMT

I've been in Omaha for 18 hours now... Hmph! Going shopping with Dad during today. Partly for Christmas presents, partly for myself :) Tomorrow night we're going to go see a play similar to The Christmas Story, and South Dakota is Thursday. That's what excites me the most. But I gotta go get ready for the day. I'm still in my black leggings, cheer shorts and FMHS football tshirt (represent!) aka my pajamas. ♥

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 23:51:46 GMT

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

Midterms are over =) It's my last weekend in town before I leave for 15 days to the frigid north. No worries though, I'll still be on MySpace and AIM occasionally, and I'll update on all of the important stuff so that you can guys know what's going on in my life.

To Barkha - Have fun in India. I'm going to miss you immensely, but I know that you are probably make the right decision because this is what you're heart is telling you to do. You can call me anytime if you need to talk (you know the number) and I want you to know that you can always come back. You'll have fun at Canterbury meeting new people and making new friends, but don't forget about our huge birthday dinner in January. Have fun in India over winter break, and tell me all about it when you get home. I love you, darling!

To the rest of you - Have a safe and happy break. Make the best of all of this time off.

♥

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 18:29:28 GMT

This week has been going fairly well, aside from taking mid-terms (some of which I don't have a good feeling about). Only two more to go, though! I have to take Spanish and Math tomorrow. Both I have to study for, but I'm not worried about either of them, and then I'm done! until January 3rd. Gone to Nebraska and South Dakota :) Gosh, I'm so fucking excited! Saturday night I'm hanging out with Swope and Rachie (Yes!) and then Sunday night it's Swope and the gang and the moms. Monday morning I'm departing, so if you want to see me or something (for whatever reason) before I leave, maybe we can figure something out.

I stole this from Jessi :O

SURVEY A-Z
A- Age you got your first kiss: 13
B- Band listening to right now: SoCo
C- Crush: Mixed feelings on that subject.
D- Dads name: stupidhomofagmolesterbitchfucker (I'm with you on that one, Jess!)
E- Easiest person to talk to: Haley or Swope. They always listen.
F- Favorite bands at the moment: SoCo, Starting Line, Academy Is
G- Gummy worms or gummy bears? Gummy worms.
H- Hometown: Casper, Wyoming
I- Instruments: Used to play the piano and the tuba.
J- Junior High: PLDMS
K- Kids: I like them when they're 3 and under, or when they're 12 and up. Basically when they can either not understand anything or when they can.
L- Longest car ride ever: Wyoming to Ohio.
M- Mom's name: Peggy
N- Nicknames: Natters, Natti, NatWat, Nat
O- One wish: Love.
P- Phobia: Squirrels, clowns & painful death
Q- Quote: "Live each day as if it's your last." is one that I'm trying to accomplish.
R- Reason to smile: My friends and occasionally my mom.
S- Song you sang last: Currently singing a country version of "Santa Clause Is Coming To Town."
T- Time you woke up [today]: 6:15 am
U- Unknown fact about me: I can't tell you that!
V- Vegetable you hate: Lima beans and peas.
W- Worst habit(s): Nail biting and procrastination.
X- X-rays you've had: My teeth/mouth.
Y- Yummy food: Basically anything that's not good for you.
Z- Zodiac sign: Aquarius.

1. First thing you did this morning?
Washed my face.
2. Last thing you ate?
Snickers.
3. Is your cell phone a piece of crap?
I don't have one.
4. What's the thing you look forward to most in the next 6 months?
Winter break (soon!), spring break and summer.
5. What's annoying you right now?
Mid-terms.
6. What's the last movie you saw in a theater?
Just Friends.
7. Do you believe in long distance relationships?
Depends on the age of the people in them
9. Is there someone you miss?
Unfortunately... =/
10. Does your dog/cat wear clothes?
No. That's weird.
12. Song that sums up your love life?
"Goodnight, Goodnight."
13. What are a few things you wish you were better at doing?
Working out and studying.
14. If you could be anywhere this second, where would it be?
With my sister in Cali or with friends in either Wyoming or South Dakota
15. What's your most vivid memory from 6th grade?
Being best friends with Katherine Kolter. Those were the days :)
16. Latest addiction?
This stupid computer.
17. Have you ever had the slight urge to kill someone?
Strangle, maybe. Never kill.
18. How many people would you say are interested in you?
Ha! I know of... ZERO!?
19. What do you love doing?
Laughing so hard it hurts and being held.
20. Do you think someone thinks about you daily?
I'm sure of at least one person who does.
21. Who was the last person you saw or talked to?
My step-dad.
22. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Lots of things, but successful.
23. What is your favorite food?
Currently subs.
24. How many people do you know with the same name as yours?
Natalie Carter is love. <3
25. What was the last thing you spilled?
I can't even remember. It happens to often to me.

Nothing too depressing to write about... Although I feel as though I'm going through something Jessi's going through right now -- I'm missing my best friend. We were best friends right away in kindergarten. She's away in Wyoming right now, and I haven't talked to her in almost a year. It was her birthday Sunday, and when I tried to call her no one was home. Then I found a picture of her and her new friends on one of their MySpaces. I miss this girl like the shit...

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 22:00:43 GMT

This weekend was the perfect weekend to have right before mid-terms. In Kelsey's words it was "just chill and relaxed." So although I was out almost the whole weekend, it was casual. I got almost next-to-no studying done, but I'm not as worried about mid-terms as I was before. I'm more excited for winter break than anything. I leave Monday =)

This week is already off to a great start. I don't know why, but I just have a really good feeling about the next 4 days. Although I probably just jinxed that (knock on wood). Ahh, well. I'm ready to just party it up for the next 2 1/2 weeks in South Dakota. Haha... Trust me, it's very possible.

I just want to thank Kelsey & Tony for seeming interested in what's going on with my life. I love you both already, and I can't wait to become better friends with you, Ton!

Before I forget... Happy Birthday TJ!

♥

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 19:51:45 GMT

Yeah, so I've decided that all of you can kiss my ass =)
If you ever have a problem with me, if you ever want to talk shit about me, if you ever want to make up rumors about me... Basically if you ever want to bring any drama to my life, kiss my ass. Because I already have enough, thanks, and I don't need your petty high school crap added to that mess.

By the way... Those of you who think you know me... Yeah, you don't. Trust me. Maybe, maybe 3 people know me for real. And some kind of do. But seriously. You all are like "OMGsh Natalie wouldn't do that!" And then when I do you act really surprised. Well don't make assumptions, and don't think I've changed. Because jumping to conclusions and assuming the wrong doesn't get you anywhere. And I haven't changed, you just never took the time or took the initiative to get to know who I really am.

♥

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 01:33:17 GMT

So how about an update in the world of Natalie?

Andrew IMed me last night.... He wants me back apparently (or something). I was (and still am) in a total state of shock and confusion. Everyone tells me I'm too good for him, he doesn't deserve me, etc., but he's the first one I've ever cared so much for. Possibly the first boy I've ever loved. But he's not giving me straight-forward answers on anything. He's not telling me how he feels, and none of what he's saying feels real or sincere, which makes me think that he's just lonely, even if he says that's not the case. I don't want to take him back because I don't want to get hurt again. I don't even know if he's the same boy I fell for only 5 months ago. But no matter how much time passes or what happens between him and I, I will never stop caring for him. Because he made me feel important, loved, and secure with myself for those 3 short weeks.

My mom wants to move. Not far, but somewhere else. We don't know if we'll be able to do the addition to our house like we were planning (thanks to some stupid county property rules) so she's looking at houses around Fort Myers as we speak. Some are nice, but somewhat far away, and I really like the location I'm in. Childish and stubborn, I know, but I love Whiskey Creek. It's close to school, church, Eddie, Josh, Patrick & Kelsey. It's close to everyone and it's such a nice neighborhood. I wouldn't mind so much moving a little ways away (say in biking distance of my current house), but I'd be afraid of growing farther from people. Wow! I sound stupid. It's also that whole... I've lived in 12+ houses since I was born thing, and I'm just kind of sick of packing.

My Grandma (on my mom's side) was hospitalized this morning. She was walking out of her doctor's appointment when she fell, and she hit her head on a car tire, falling unconcious. That put her on a breathalizer (sp?) and rushed her to the ER. She just started talking about an hour ago, and they're going to move her to a regular room in the hospital tomorrow. She's doing okay, but for those of you who pray, please keep her in your prayers.

I'm gone in 2 weeks. I'm going to miss a lot of people over break, but I just need to get away from this town and all the baggage that comes with it.

And I have opened anonymous commenting because I know there are people out there who read this, but don't tell me or don't comment about it. So feel free to post anonymously or sign your name, but please leave a comment. Leave advice, leave a note, leave lyrics, leave a personal problem that you want my help on. Leave a smiley face, leave a heart, but just leave something and let me know you care.

♥

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 01:57:08 GMT

Life is fxcking confusing.
Things happen at weird times, for weird reasons that no one can explain.
Which stinks because I always need explanations.

All I know right now is that I LOVE:

Kelsey Maragaret Swope
Haley Ann Olsen
Timothy Joel Polzin

You three mean the world to me! <333

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 05:49:29 GMT

So I thought the 99XMAS BALL was amazing.
Until I heard about Danielle's friend Krissy.
But I still had fun.
I missed almost all of 30 Seconds to Mars because of traffic, but the lead singer autographed my Converse =) Yay!
And I didn't really get to hang out/see Swope or Tony.
And I love them both, so that made a downer in my night.
But it was still fun.
Especially the part where I came home smelling like weed and alcohol (and onions?) and my mom asked me if anything "icky" was going on around me.
Hahaha.
Wow.

Tonight was catillion/John Seckondgers (sp?) party.
John's party was fun for the 30 minutes that we were there.
Next year with the new freshman is going to be hilarious.
And then catillion was okay.
Got there at 8:30, it got good at 9, and we left at 9:50.
Which was a good time because Nick, Jen, Alison & Caroline were leaving, too.
And so now Swope & Haley are at my house.
Swope passed out on the bed and Haley's on the couch next to me.
So I'm going to go!

I'm soooooo excited for Christmas break!
12 days, guys! =)
♥

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 02:57:28 GMT

So I've come to the conclusion...
IF HE DOESN'T CARE, WHY SHOULD I!?!?
Watch out all you South Dakota bitches --
I'm coming in a month!

BTW... I love my friends. ♥

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 19:38:05 GMT

I don't want to go to Brandon anymore.
I can't face him, and I don't want to.
Because the more I look forward to finally getting closure, the more I think to myself
I won't find it. I can't find it. I can't let go of him.
God, I'm such a fxcking pussy!

So this weekend...
Full of confusion, fun, and risk-taking.
Probably not the best combinations, but whatever.
I've decided to live life with no worries, no regrets.
I've decided to live life to the fullest.
I've decided to live life in the moment.
Cause life is short, right?

♥

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 15:33:08 GMT

Hahahaha.
Wow.
I fxcking love Kelsey Swope.
Not even kidding...
BFFL no matter what, bitch!

♥

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 04:19:08 GMT

Tonight was fun =)
Movies with moms are the only way to watch them.
And then listening to Valarie ask if Jon was "an emo."
Wow.
And then hearing her explain what "emo" was to my mom and Debbie.
Why aren't we educating our parents more?

This weekend is going to be fun.
Hopefully tomorrow will turn out better than I hope.
Dinner with the step-family.
Woop, woop! :P

No more depressing entries for awhile.
KSwope said they pissed her off so much she wouldn't even comment.
So nevermind those.
But they might be back.
Might.

So speaking of KSwope, she gave me a brilliant Christmas break idea.
It deals with Andrew, and I've decided I'm definitely putting it into action.
So if you're reading this Kels, you're genius!
By the way, it's that kid's birthday today.
I was nice enough to wish him a really happy one =)

And did I mention we talked for 2 hours on the phone the other night?
Yeahh.....

♥

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 20:50:36 GMT

I feel like I can't keep a conversation for more than 5 minutes with anyone. I'm finding that I have less and less in common with the people around me, and it's really beginning to suck. I'm drifting away from a lot of my friends, and so much has just gone on this weeknd that I'm in a total state of confusion.

I really need someone to talk to, but the people I normally can have deep conversations with aren't online. One is, but I'm not getting much of a response from him and I don't want to randomly vent on him, leading him to think I'm some sort of psycho.

So as for the guys... The two potentials I have in mind are people that it seems I can't even keep conversations with. That and they both go to different schools (than each other and myself). Both are really nice and fun, but both contain a bit of that bad-boy edge that I seem to like so much. ;) They also both seemed fairly interested at first, and now they don't. Then again, that was for hook-ups, and so maybe they're not the relationship types. Although they've both had girlfriends previously. So I don't know. But I'm confused. Why do guys send out all these signals? Telling you they think you're attractive and they're so flirty... And then they just kind of talk to you online and do the whole "Yeah. Cool. Okay." short answer stuff? If there's a guy out there reading this, please explain it to me.

And the moving idea's coming back. I don't want you guys to tell me not to go, or give me reasons to stay, but I want your honest opinions. If you were in my shoes (which I guess you can't be), what would keep you staying, and what would make you go? I seriously just feel like there's so much here I don't belong in anymore, and although I still do, I feel as though soon enough I won't.

♥

[EDIT]But to go along with the boy thing. I was doing so well with not liking anyone, and then I see couples together, and not only do I realize how much I really want that warm, safe feeling again, but I remind myself of Andrew. And although he hurt me so much after the fact, I can't stop thinking about all of the good times. The holding, the hugging, the kissing, the laughing. Ahh, damn memories =( I don't know think I know what love is yet. At least I don't want to. But if what Andrew and I had was love, then I want it again. Because it was amazing, and I will never forget anything from those 3 weeks. The suck part of this whole situation is that as much as I want that feeling back, I'm not emotionally ready to get hurt again, because we all know high school relationships (especially ones that happen freshman year) don't last. [/EDIT]

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 23:25:21 GMT

I need to write, but of course I don't have anything to write about.
Not at the moment.
I'm feeling kind of... neutral.
Blah.
Which is odd for me.
But whatever =)

Thanksgiving's coming up.
The holiday where 2 years ago a hobo decided to come into my garage, steal my turkey and trade it in for crack somewhere in Pine Manor.
Ahhh, that was lame.
I'll think of something better to talk about.

Justin was Haley, Caroline and my man this week.
He had to pick us up at our class, carry our books, and walk us to the next class.
He also had to do anything we told him to.
So we told him to scream banana whenever he walked past someone in a green/white shirt.
It was hilarious, but I guess you just had to be there.
It made me realize something though... I'm not ready for a boyfriend.
I can't be ready for a boyfriend.
I am 100% over Andrew and not ready for a boyfriend.
Sad.
But typical.
Oh, so typical.
Yeah, there are guys I find really attractive, but either the personality thing isn't there for me, or
I just don't know what it is actually.
I just don't see myself with anyone... Yet.
And obviously no one sees themselves with me because no one likes me.
And if they do I definitely do not know about it.
But it's okay.
That's how it always is.

Change of subject because that's depressing.
Although depressing sounds good right now =)

So, raise your hand if you knew I was considering moving my sophomore year?
That's right.
Almost none of you.
Yeah, I was considering moving.
To South Dakota.
Because I have friends up there.
And family.
Really, really close family.
And boys that are interested.
Sad, huh?
What's even more sad is that after living in this damned state (excuse me) for nearly 6 years,
I still dont feel like I belong.
Which is one reason for moving.
Plus I'm feeling the need to become closer to my dad.
And he and I have a very, very distant relationship right now.
Distant as in, I can't stand the man.
And I need to fix things.
So as of now, I've eliminated the moving idea from my head.
But it could come back.

So this was a long entry...
And I definitely did not expect it to be.
But whoever read the whole thing (or parts of it), feel free to comment and
MAKE MY DAY =)
Thanks. L♥VE&PEACE